5 Steps For Successful Business Women To Let Go Of ‘Love Blocks’ And Find True Love’
In my last post, I talked about the journey of self-discovery and how reconnecting back to who you truly are is the first step in breaking the vicious love circle and meeting the man of your dreams. I explained how you’ve come to lose touch with your true self whilst climbing the career ladder, and instead of the polished, high-achieving business woman you’ve become, it’s the giggling, fun and energetic little girl you used to be that is the real you. And now it’s time for her to come out and shine.
Whilst you might be able to slow down and break through to this little girl every once in a while, the real key is when you feel connected to her all the time, without fear of being judged. That is why, today, I am going to talk to you through the second step in breaking the vicious love circle for successful women and that is letting go of ‘love blocks’.
What is a love block?
Love blocks are limiting beliefs that have formed over many years of not dealing with negative emotions from your experiences with love. They are called ‘blocks’ because, by believing in them, you create a barrier to love, that stops you from letting love in to create a deep and fulfilling relationship with a great man; they block you from being in love.
Remember my cabbage theory? Essentially, love blocks are the layers of the cabbage that have built over time and moved you further and further away from your true self.
Why are they so bad for me?
Love blocks greatly impact the quality of the relationships you have. They define what you think is possible in terms of commitment, trust, happiness and love, and they rule how you approach your relationships with men. Your actions in that relationship are held back because you usually have thoughts and expectations, as a result of love blocks, that repeat in your head, no matter who you decide to date. Whether that’s anxieties, fears or limiting beliefs about men, they make you think certain things aren’t possible in love, or you aren’t deserving of them. Love is exciting and infinite, but these love blocks stop you from seeing or believing in that.
Simply put, your belief system lays the foundation for your entire experience in love, and you have to believe something is possible in order to make it a reality. Because our beliefs strongly influence our lives, a crucial step in finding love is confronting the love blocks you have about relationships and believing that you are capable of the love you so desire.
Why do I have them?
In my experience working with successful business women, and being one myself, each failed relationship we have creates love blocks. When a relationship falls apart, it’s natural, instead of being grateful for the lessons we learned, to experience negative emotions, because breakups are painful and just after it’s happened, your emotions are at an all-time high.
But if you don’t deal with these emotions - which successful women don’t do, because we like to keep ourselves busy - they define our understanding of men in general, not just the man who hurt you. You close off and loose trust, burying the hurt, the anger and the sadness inside of you because it’s easier than facing and feeling it all.
Over time, you lose touch with your emotions and become more cynical about love, protecting and layering yourself further away from possible pain, because that’s what you’ve come to expect from a relationship, and this is your way of protecting yourself.
But the longer you hold off dealing with love blocks, the harder they become to shake, because each new love block builds up on top of the last. Like leaves in the ‘cabbage’, they become thicker as the years go by, pulling you further away from your true self and more closed off to love.
As love blocks build, disappointments in love impact you more, making it harder for you to recover from each failed relationship. You give up faster, because by now you are so used to disappointment. You keep busy, focussed on success and your career, because that is your comfort zone; it is something you are good at, something you can control.
How do I know I have them?
Most often, I hear successful business women say the following:
I’ll never fall in love again
All the good men are gone
Love is too painful for me
Dating is hard work
I am too old to find love
I don’t want to do this anymore
I only attract the wrong men
All of the above can be summarised into 3 categories of love blocks:
The love blocks that make you question yourself and whether you deserve love.
Sweeping statements and doubts about the general concept of love.
Shifting the blame for a failed relationship to external circumstances, i.e. you’re love cards are already chosen for you and you have no choice in the matter.
Recognising a love block is hard, but it is possible. They tend to arise as patterns in your behaviour and the relationships you have with men. Just think about the last few relationships you’ve had and whether they have similarities. Perhaps the guys you date have commitment issues, or they aren’t as determined and driven as you are? Either way, you never fall for the right man because your love blocks sway you towards the wrong ones.
Why should I let them go?
Quite simply, life is a mirror - it attracts back what you feel and believe in. If you hold limiting beliefs about love, then these blocks will always attract back those limits, thus keeping you closed off from love and a happy relationship with a wonderful man.
There is a scientific explanation for this phenomenon and that’s called the RAS - the Reticular Activating System. This is the part of your brain that filters all the billions of data you’re bombarded with every single day. It filters using a guideline based on your beliefs, so it is always looking for ways to confirm what you already believe in, instead of challenging it. Ultimately, when you have negative beliefs about love and relationships, your brain is more focussed on proving them right rather than breaking through them.
Plus, love blocks tend to give you a scarcity mindset, so if you constantly think you are lacking something, then your life will mirror this right back to you. This means, even when the good guy is right there in front of you, you can’t see him, because you approach your life from a place of lack. It’s self-sabotaging behaviour, because even though love blocks were formed to protect you, they are actually causing you more pain and heartbreak.
They are a paradox and the only way to deal with them is to let them go!
But once you know this, that is when you have the power, because you can choose to change what you believe in, so the RAS attracts more of that into your life. You can become the designer of your own love life, but you must first change your beliefs and turn your love blocks upside down to make this transformation.
So how can I let them go?
I am going to outline 5 simple steps that will help you let go of love blocks for good and finally meet the man of your dreams:
Recognise and admit that your love blocks come from past negative experiences with love and name them! The key is to be able to see those repeating negative thoughts you have about love and relationships.
Challenge every love block you have about relationships, dating and love. Come up with reasons why these love blocks and beliefs aren’t true and focus on what is. Look around you at all the friends and family that love you and remind yourself of what’s possible in a relationship.
Replace these blocks with an empowering and positive belief. Ask yourself: “What do I need to do to feel good about men, relationships and love?” This step will help you shift your perspective from a ‘scarcity mindset’ to an ‘abundant mindset’. E.g. replace “all the good men are gone” to “there are plenty of good men still out there”. This is the most transformative, powerful shift of the process and it will make you realise, once and for all, that you are worthy of love.
Repeat these new positive affirmations every day, as much as you can! There is a well-known criterion for creating new habits that suggests 21 days; this is how long it tends to take for something to move from the conscious to the unconscious, thus ingraining this new positive belief deep inside of you.
Notice how life mirrors back your new positive beliefs to you via the RAS. Focus on the love that is all around you and see how it shows up more in your life as described above.
This is totally possible for you. The process isn’t difficult, it just takes time, patience, energy and, above all else, courage. But if you need a bit of help along the way, then ask for it. I am always here to guide you through.
Just book a FREE discovery call with me today and let's shed light on all those love blocks that are stopping you from being in a beautiful, loving relationship with the man of your dreams.